


The Trials

by amandateaches



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Coma, F/M, Heavy Angst, Reader-Insert, trials!sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 15:45:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17226836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amandateaches/pseuds/amandateaches
Summary: You try to stay hopeful and supportive as Sam faces the trials to close the gates of Hell, but fate has other plans for the two of you.





	The Trials

**Author's Note:**

> This is for @impala-dreamer and @idreamofhazel’s Sammy Says 1K/2K celebration challenge. My quote was “You know this whole ‘I laugh in the face of death thing’? It’s crap. I can see right through it” from Faith.

It been weeks since Sam had killed the hellhound at Cassity Ranch. Weeks since he had completed the first trial, and now he was ready to do the second one. Kevin had called after cracking the tablet, and the three of you were planning on driving out there in the morning to get the details.

Now, you weren’t stupid. You could tell that the trials were already starting to take their toll on Sam, and they had barely begun. He tried to hide it, but something was definitely happening to him. Something you and Dean didn’t like.

Dean had promised to stand by him after the case in St. Louis, and you had done the same. Of course you had. You would do anything for Sam. But, you were scared, especially after finding the bloody tissues he’d tried to hide in the trash. You knew Sam was trying to protect you. You knew he was keeping you and Dean in the dark so you wouldn’t worry, but you needed answers. You needed to know what was happening to the man you loved. So, you decided to confront the situation head on and do the one thing you hadn’t done yet: ask him.

“Cas said it’s affecting you on a subatomic level, Sam. Something even he can’t heal,” you said, your voice rising as you gave into your anger. You weren’t exactly happy with the younger Winchester for downplaying the serious toll the trials were taking on him and hiding it from you. “What exactly does that mean?”

“Shh…” Sam whispered, holding up his hands. He gestured at Dean, who was asleep in one of the library chairs with his feet propped up on a small table in front of him. He grabbed your wrist and gently pulled you out of the room and down the hallway into the kitchen. Once there, he released your wrist and turned back to you with his arms folded across his chest. “Ok,” he agreed. “Let’s talk.”

You sighed, your frustration apparent. “What is happening to you, Sam? Just tell me. What are the trials doing to you?”

“I don’t know,” Sam admitted, sadness temporarily clouding his features. He shook his head and gave you a small smile, masking his pain once again. “But, I’m fine, ok? I can handle it. You don’t need to worry.”

You scoffed at that. “Yeah, Sam, I bet you’re just fine with all of the subatomic changes happening inside your body. Nothing to worry about. I’m sure it’s completely normal and not at all worrisome for atoms to just start shifting around in there.”

Sam flashed you his best “Sarcasm is not helpful” face. You’d seen him use it on Dean all the time, but never on you. Not once in your entire relationship had he lost his patience with your sarcasm. In fact, he usually considered it quite cute.

“I’ll be fine, Y/N. It’s not a big deal.”

“You know this whole ‘I laugh in the face of death thing’? It’s crap. I can see right through it. You’re not fine.”

“Y/N…..”

“No, Sam. Don’t. You don’t have to lie to me or act strong just to protect me. You can trust me with this.” You paused, gazing up at your boyfriend with a question in your eyes. “You do trust me, don’t you, Sam?”

Sam sighed and threaded his fingers threw his hair. “Of course, I trust you, Y/N. Implicitly. You know that.”

“Then, tell me what’s going on. Please.” You reached out and put your hand on his arm, squeezing gently. “Let me help you.”

“You want me to be honest? Fine,” Sam yelled, shrugging your hand off. “I’ll be honest, Y/N. Honestly, I have no idea what’s happening to me. None at all. And it’s scaring the hell out of me.”

“Sam…” you whispered, reaching out to him again, but he backed away.

“You can’t help me with this, Y/N. I need to do this alone.” He started to turn away, shutting himself off from you.

“Oh no you don’t.” You stepped up and grabbed Sam’s hand again, preventing him from pulling away. You looked directly into his eyes, willing your strength into him. “I know that I can’t do the trials with you, Sam, but you will never be alone. Never. Not as long as Dean and I are here.”

Sam smiled, weakly. “I know, Y/N, and I love you for that. But, I have to do this on my own. And, trust me, I can do this. I will do this.”

“I really hope so,” you whispered, the fight leaving you. You squeezed his hand even tighter then, desperate to hold onto him for as long as you could. “I’m scared, Sam. This is really serious. So, serious, even Cas can’t fix you. And, that’s after one trial. There are two more, Sam. Two! What if it’s too much for you? What if you don’t make it?” Your voice started to break. “If I lost you…”

You paused, drawing in a shaky breath and blinking back the tears that threatened to overflow.

“Shh…” Sam said, pulling you into a hug that calmed you in only a way Sam could. He kissed your forehead softly before letting his head rest on top of yours. “It’ll be ok, baby. I can do this. I will do this. I’ll finish the trials, we’ll close the gates of hell, get rid of the demons, and then all of this will be over. I promise.”

“I can’t lose you,” you whispered into his chest, the sound muffled but still audible.

“I know. And, you won’t. I swear.”

You held onto the hope of that promise for weeks. You held onto it through the second trial, when you had almost lost Sam in Purgatory. Through his illness, which was slowly killing him. You watched him waste away, get sicker and sicker as he lost himself to the “purification”. You watched him face certain death with the third trial and you watched as your worst fear was realized: Sam collapsed, falling into a seemly irreversible coma.

As you sat at his bedside in the hospital, you tried to hold on to hope. You tried to believe that Sam could beat this. That he was strong enough to fight his way out of the coma. Fight his way back to you. But, the doctor had just told you and Dean that he wouldn’t recover. That it was in God’s hands now, for whatever that was worth. And you knew exactly what that was worth. Nothing. It was hopeless. Sam, your Sam, was going to die.

After Dean and the doctor left, you sent out one last prayer to anyone who might possibly be listening, just as Dean was doing down the hall. You waited, watching for a sign, any sign at all that help was coming. But, nothing happened. No one was coming. It was over.

You choked back a tear, turning your face towards Sam’s, watching as the life slowly drained out of the man you loved. “You have to fight, Sam. For me. You promised, remember?” The tears spilled out, uncontrollable now. “You promised you would be ok. That you would beat this and it would all be over. You promised me.”

You looked up, your vision blurred by the tears, hoping beyond hope to see him smiling back at you. But, it was too late. The trials had been too much. “Please, Sam. I need you. I….I love you.”

But, there was no response. Not from Sam or anyone else. Sam wasn’t coming back from this, and, if that was true, then neither were you.


End file.
